I haven't blogged for ages, and almost can't bring myself to now.
In the period since my last entry, things had been going quite well. Tiddler had started to eat foods such as toast, strawberries and tomatoes from my hand. She was discharged from the Neurologist last week... She has fabulous bright pink Piedro boots and doesn't mind wearing them.... and she can stand for short periods when wearing them!
A few weeks ago Tiddler had an appointment with the Occupational Therapist. The OT asked us to come back to see her more senior colleague as she was unsure of a diagnosis - Tiddler has always thrown the health professionals that treat her!
On Tuesday, we went back to see this senior colleague. She observed Tiddler playing and moving and concluded fairly quickly that she has a Sensory Processing Disorder. Specifically, she is Hypo- responsive in 3 different areas. In particular, she is under responsive when it comes to the pain sensation. Apparently, this is "extreme". Obviously this is pretty serious. The concern is that she may harm herself and we will not know. She stressed on me the importance of keeping her safe. The cushions on the floor have to stay!
As she uttered these words I could feel the tears coming, I couldn't suppress them. It really feels like one step forward two steps back. I worry that she may have already harmed herself and we didn't know, I worry I have neglected her, I worry I have let her go hungry, I worry that my poor little girl has been living in a black world for the first 12 months of her life and we didn't know.
Part of the problem is we don't fully understand what it all means: both for now and the future. I have started reading a book that was recommended but I will admit we are in complete shock and struggling a little to accept this latest development.
Showing posts with label Sensory processing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sensory processing. Show all posts
Thursday, 15 December 2011
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Physiotherapy & the Nature of the Beast
Why do I feel so devastated?
I had thought Tiddler was doing really well- a growth spurt, almost sitting, fashioning her own crawling, mastering bite/dissolve foods.
Why then, why did I drive home from her latest Physiotherapy appointment hurting and fighting back the tears?
T’s lovely physio gave her the fab patent hot pink Piedro boots to try on. Mummy would have liked a pair in size7. Seriously, they rocked. Due to T’s Chicken Pox we are a little later than intended, and so they only just fit. Oops. Size 2 and ½!
Tiddler went ballistic. Screaming and screaming, real tears, she was NOT happy. She hates socks / bootees anything on her feet so I suppose it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Eventually, with my holding her and the Physio battling, we got the boots on. Still the screaming ensued. She tried T standing in them, I meanwhile was desperately trying to distract/ cheer her up. In the end I had to intervene and ask for us to take them off. I couldn’t bear to hear her upset any longer. It really didn’t seem worth it.
Upset number 1: the Physio at this point said she was really wobbly and weak and would need a standing frame as well as the Piedro boots. At our last appointment she had not said this. I know it’s only temporary but it still makes her less able than her peers and makes me concerned again about her future abilities. As she has been doing so well I had thought she would be walking by 18 months. I feel a bit stupid now. Maybe this won’t be the case. I am angry with myself that I let myself believe everything was nearly "there".
Upset number 2: I mentioned in passing that although her arching behaviour has got a lot better, she has started head banging. I have assumed this is a normal phase, it seems not. Now I am concerned. As she is still without a diagnosis, I suppose if there is to be one, then little pieces of the jigsaw such as head banging help to work out what the overall condition is.
The Physio suggested it is either behavioural - which is what I have assumed it is- or otherwise sensory? Now I have googled this quickly (I know, I know….) and it seems that it may be an issue with sensory processing. She also seems to have a very high threshold for pain. Whatever it is the appointment has brought me down to earth with the bump I was waiting for. Even if this latest episode turns out to be nothing it just shows we are never that far away from hypothesising, grey, twists and turns. I guess that’s the nature of the beast.
I had thought Tiddler was doing really well- a growth spurt, almost sitting, fashioning her own crawling, mastering bite/dissolve foods.
Why then, why did I drive home from her latest Physiotherapy appointment hurting and fighting back the tears?
T’s lovely physio gave her the fab patent hot pink Piedro boots to try on. Mummy would have liked a pair in size7. Seriously, they rocked. Due to T’s Chicken Pox we are a little later than intended, and so they only just fit. Oops. Size 2 and ½!
Tiddler went ballistic. Screaming and screaming, real tears, she was NOT happy. She hates socks / bootees anything on her feet so I suppose it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Eventually, with my holding her and the Physio battling, we got the boots on. Still the screaming ensued. She tried T standing in them, I meanwhile was desperately trying to distract/ cheer her up. In the end I had to intervene and ask for us to take them off. I couldn’t bear to hear her upset any longer. It really didn’t seem worth it.
Upset number 1: the Physio at this point said she was really wobbly and weak and would need a standing frame as well as the Piedro boots. At our last appointment she had not said this. I know it’s only temporary but it still makes her less able than her peers and makes me concerned again about her future abilities. As she has been doing so well I had thought she would be walking by 18 months. I feel a bit stupid now. Maybe this won’t be the case. I am angry with myself that I let myself believe everything was nearly "there".
Upset number 2: I mentioned in passing that although her arching behaviour has got a lot better, she has started head banging. I have assumed this is a normal phase, it seems not. Now I am concerned. As she is still without a diagnosis, I suppose if there is to be one, then little pieces of the jigsaw such as head banging help to work out what the overall condition is.
The Physio suggested it is either behavioural - which is what I have assumed it is- or otherwise sensory? Now I have googled this quickly (I know, I know….) and it seems that it may be an issue with sensory processing. She also seems to have a very high threshold for pain. Whatever it is the appointment has brought me down to earth with the bump I was waiting for. Even if this latest episode turns out to be nothing it just shows we are never that far away from hypothesising, grey, twists and turns. I guess that’s the nature of the beast.
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