Anomaly Scan and Fears

Tomorrow, I have my anomaly scan.

When pregnant with Tiddler, no problems were discovered. With her, it was a totally different pregnancy to this one. With Tiddler I had bleeds, a very large cyst and was measuring small the whole way along.

I have been thinking that this pregnancy is different and so the baby will not be born with any of the problems that beset Tiddler from birth. Is this naive? Premature? Stupid?

I am now wondering if I spoke too soon. People are commenting that my bump is small. This is making me panic. I am concerned that this baby will be born with health problems too.

With my anomaly or 20 week scan when pregnant with Tiddler, I honestly can't remember worrying that the sonographer would find any problems. In fact they didn't. Not a sausage. Well they never do find anything do they? Of course everything is fine...

This time around, our world is very different. Babies with health problems don't just happen to someone else, you don't just see them on Children in Need. This is real life, it affects real Mums and Dads and real children. Although Tiddler is a lot better now, she is not as my OH says "out of the woods" yet and I feel very much as though we have "touched" that life of a family with a very poorly child. I fear that this time we may not touch it but live it. We already have a life with- at the time of writing: 4 Consultants, Physiotherapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech and Language therapy and the support is fantastic but to do it again with the new baby as well as Tiddler? Someone somewhere would have to inject me with oodles of energy and optimism that I don't think could be naturally achieved. How on earth would we cope? I suppose it would be less scary if it happened a second time as we would understand more of what was going on and be able to tell the signs of potentially much more serious problems.

As no-one yet knows exactly what the genetic issue is with Tiddler, they cannot tell us it won't happen again, although they have explained that they don't expect our baby to be any more severely affected than Tiddler. So by this time tomorrow we will know whether there are any major problems with the baby. Or will we? As nothing was picked up with Tiddler, I suppose you never know but at least we will know all we possibly can at this stage. One thing - we will hopefully know if baby number 2 will be a boy or a girl!

The leaves are turning

The leaves are turning, its almost Autum. The nights are getting darker. Spooks is on the telly, as is X Factor, Strictly etc etc etc

It was this time last year I was getting bigger. The anticipation was palpable, I was terrified, excited, disgustingly happy, my world was simple. I was about to have a baby. The most natural thing in the world. I was terrified about the birth- ridiculously so... but obviously very excited. I was to have my baby in early December.

Now the darker evenings, the colder weather, the Winter TV schedule have all delivered an unwelcome reminder of last year. I didn't see this coming. I don't like it. I am remembering the blissful ignorance of last Autumn and the expectation of a happy ever after - once I had got the birth over with of course!

Things like "that" -I mean when things go wrong- well they don't really happen do they? Not to people like us.... you just read about it in weekly mags... thats not real though is it...