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Monday, 26 March 2012

What if it all happens again?

So last night, in a rare moment of time, clarity of thought and space to breathe I crapped myself again.

What if the baby is really poorly? What if she ends up in SCBU? What if she is much worse than Tiddler? Tiddler's Paediatrician said that he would like the baby and I to be kept in for a few days to ensure everything is ok and that feeding is established. Great, absolutely fine with that (although the Antenatal Consultant is still pretty non-plussed).

However, I am terrified at the prospect of my immediate post-natal haze... I will need to sleep of course I will. I know that no matter how scared I am the need for sleep will take over... what if she stops breathing when I am asleep? We still have an apnoea alarm from Tiddler - maybe I could take it to the hospital? I know everyone will think I am crackers but their first baby probably didn't go purple once let alone the number of times Tiddler did.

However much I flap and get myself into a blind panic about this, one fact remains. I can do nothing more than I am doing. Nobody knows whether the suspected genetic kink will repeat itself or indeed how much of Tiddlers newborn problems are attributable to genes. I can't wait to meet my baby though and Tiddler is going to be a great big sister.

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