Why do I feel so devastated?
I had thought Tiddler was doing really well- a growth spurt, almost sitting, fashioning her own crawling, mastering bite/dissolve foods.
Why then, why did I drive home from her latest Physiotherapy appointment hurting and fighting back the tears?
T’s lovely physio gave her the fab patent hot pink Piedro boots to try on. Mummy would have liked a pair in size7. Seriously, they rocked. Due to T’s Chicken Pox we are a little later than intended, and so they only just fit. Oops. Size 2 and ½!
Tiddler went ballistic. Screaming and screaming, real tears, she was NOT happy. She hates socks / bootees anything on her feet so I suppose it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Eventually, with my holding her and the Physio battling, we got the boots on. Still the screaming ensued. She tried T standing in them, I meanwhile was desperately trying to distract/ cheer her up. In the end I had to intervene and ask for us to take them off. I couldn’t bear to hear her upset any longer. It really didn’t seem worth it.
Upset number 1: the Physio at this point said she was really wobbly and weak and would need a standing frame as well as the Piedro boots. At our last appointment she had not said this. I know it’s only temporary but it still makes her less able than her peers and makes me concerned again about her future abilities. As she has been doing so well I had thought she would be walking by 18 months. I feel a bit stupid now. Maybe this won’t be the case. I am angry with myself that I let myself believe everything was nearly "there".
Upset number 2: I mentioned in passing that although her arching behaviour has got a lot better, she has started head banging. I have assumed this is a normal phase, it seems not. Now I am concerned. As she is still without a diagnosis, I suppose if there is to be one, then little pieces of the jigsaw such as head banging help to work out what the overall condition is.
The Physio suggested it is either behavioural - which is what I have assumed it is- or otherwise sensory? Now I have googled this quickly (I know, I know….) and it seems that it may be an issue with sensory processing. She also seems to have a very high threshold for pain. Whatever it is the appointment has brought me down to earth with the bump I was waiting for. Even if this latest episode turns out to be nothing it just shows we are never that far away from hypothesising, grey, twists and turns. I guess that’s the nature of the beast.